Apr 12 2013

Human Life Span Development Final

This video {vlog} is a compilation for my Human Life Span Development final at SLCC for Spring 2013.

Go check out this site: To Write Love on Her Arms

The song may have been a bit quiet in the video, but here is the recording of it! lonelyhours see lyrics here

If you have questions, comments leave some lovin’ below! (:


Jan 1 2012

well hello, 2012

I sit here on the first day of 2012, surrounded by glimmering Christmas tree, my sweet husband, and a puppy sleeping at my feet, with How I Met Your Mother’s humor drowning in the background, from the television. There is laundry and dishes to be done, but instead I sit here, browsing pinterest, and searching for cake pop supplies on amazon. Soaking in life. Reminiscing on how tantalizing life is, and how surreal it can get.

This past year has been a real journey for us, we got married in April! We’ve both gotten new jobs, we got a puppy, we almost bought a house. We’ve had ups and downs, but God has been there with us through it all.

Each year, there’s always this pressure to create resolutions, and I’ll be honest with you, I am terrible with them. I usually stay strong for about… 10 days. I don’t know why I am really so bad with holding out. Or even just being accountable to them. Especially since I make them. Me. Not someone else deciding what my life should be. And each year I say that I’m going to be different, that this year is a game changer. Well, this year has to be. Come on folks, lets switch up this ride.

Maybe I need to start on smaller scale resolutions that I can tackle, for one, shying away from that ever elusive, darn scale. This year, things are going to be different. This year I am going to accomplish my goals!

1. Get fit (read: acquire muscles). Yes this girlfriend would love to lose weight, but we all know the backwards spiral that would ensue. But no, this is not what I mean, and since surgeons don’t give muscle implants to puny girls, I best get my workout gear on… And actually lift some weights.

2. To get my cake pop business off the ground. And to actually start making money. Hey y’all buy my cake pops!

3. To keep a tidy home. Well, that’s self explanatory. To get off my ever growing derrière and polish off those shelves from their ever growing layer of dust… And put away the multiple baskets of clean laundry…

4. To begin my prerequisites for the PA program. And continue to jump on every learning opportunity I can, to make me the most stellar candidate.

5.To read more. Peeps, girlfriend needs some recommendations! I love action thrillers and suspense books.

What are your resolutions this year? How are you planning on revolutionizing your life and making a better you?

Nov 25 2011

I want to be.

More like this:


And less like this:

Oct 25 2010

conquering fear.

For the longest time in my life, I let fear control me. I let it take the wheel and drive.   the ride would be easy straight road through the middle of nowhere, other days it felt like this theoretical car had been in a multiple car crash or launched over the edge of a cliff. For years the phrase “there’s nothing to fear but fear itself” drove me mad, how could anyone understand my situation or judge that my fear was illogical. I balanced my life on the theory that facing + overcoming these fears were worse than succumbing to the pitfalls of their detriments.

There’s this book I have been recommended called “Feel The Fear + Do It Anyway!” – it’s gotten great reviews + people at my work practically shove it down residents throats. I never really felt much desire to read it – which is odd, because I love psychology related books, but my dear friend Brie puts it best ‘The title says it all. Why read one-hundred-odd pages of “Even if you think you’ll be fat if you recover, who cares? Feel the fear and do it anyway!” or “You might have been horribly traumatized as a child, and therefore; need your eating disorder to cope. But who cares? Feel the fear and do it anyway!” Or “Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares? Feel the fear and do it anyway!'”

Throughout my life, I have had to major walls of fear t0 break, that of my people seeing my face + that of overcoming  an eating disorder.

As a normal teenage girl and unfortunately far into my twenties I faced the lovely problem of hormonal imbalances that left my face looking like craters on the moon. So what did I do? Of course! The same thing nearly every self conscious girl does – slather my entire face with about a pound or two of make up. Every day. I swear the only time anyone ever saw my face was the last + first few moments of the day. After years of over the counter remedies + multiple visits with dermatologists, it finally clicked into someones head to inquire + require these three things: 1. What are your eating habits? (Make sure to eat balanced meals with vitamin rich veggies. 2. STOP wearing so much (or any) makeup! {No brainer right??} 3. Breakouts in certain areas of the face indicate different reasons for the breakout. Wow. I was floored. How did no dermatologist ask/tell me about ANY of this – it took me finding an Esthetician to discover how horrible what many of the doctors prescribed was most likely making it worse. I urge any of you that is having acne troubles to drop your doc + see an Esthetician. The fear of allowing people to see my scarred + acne prone greasy skin haunted me + it took me months to get to a point we were I was able to wean myself off of everything but mascara. But it was worth it. Within DAYS of stopping the foundation + concealer – my skin began looking healthier. Each morning it still is a struggle to fight and probably will be for some time – I mean – who wants to feel like everyone is looking directly at the problem areas of your skin??! I sure don’t. My mask of make up had hid me from the world + coming back into it was ridiculously difficult. But I felt the fear, and I conquered it.

In recovery, fear is a majorsetback. The fear of what coping skills you will have when you no longer have ED to hide behind. The fear of what people will think of you – now that’s a kicker that will keep you up at night. The fear of eating “normal”. The fear of being able to go without counting calories. The fear of just being without being an eating disordered individual. Fears that no one should ever have to face. Fear stopped me for along time with making any progress in treatment. I was afraid to get better. Afraid to live a life outside of what had consumed the majority of my adult life. There had been times I had been able to knock it into submission + be “normal” *shudder*. But as soon as something unbearable happened, I would slip back in. I can’t slip any more. I needed a new pair of super traction boots. Every meal, every bite, every calorie was a struggle to take in. To keep it in was a whole ‘nother battle. One still have to fight every day, but I am doing it, and every morning I get up, boot up + fight. Every day, I feel the fear, and each day I work on conquering it.

Will you fight with me?

Apr 10 2010

it’s a god thing.

God is faithful. God provides.

1.2.3 – stirkes? homeruns? And your out? Or is it a good thing? I really know nothing about baseball… but one word: wow. That’s all I got to describe this week. God is awesome. God has really done so much in my life this week that really lined up alot of great things to come.

educationally. I took my state exams for my cerification as a Nursing Assistant, I was so incredibly stressed for these (two tests: skills + written) + this past week God eased away my anxiety. And honesty, just not being sickly anxious over them was a miracle within itself. I am about 95% confident that I passed the exams, but I will find out sometime within the next week.
financially. I had a job interview on Wednesday for a job I had been eyeing for quite some time, the position is a CNA at a crisis center for teens. I went into the interview nervous (who is ever really calm for an interview, anyways?), but God started laying out the domino’s as I walked into the room. I sat down with the interviewer as he pulls out my resume from the stack of other applicants, I could already feel my self sweating in the chilly room. Here’s the dialouge:

interviewer: Oh, you are the one that graduated from ICS.
me: Yes, that is me.
interviewer: I love that school. I used to go to church up in that same building.
me: {baffled} I as well.
interviewer: I thats awesome, I switched churches when a few friends of mine decided to take part in a West Jordan church plant, Lifeline Community. Heard of it?
me: Yes, I have, I worked a few services in their nursery when they rented out the Jordan Landing Cinema. My really good friends Eric + Carla go there, I used to babysit for them all the time.
interviewer: Seriously? They are my best friends. If I may ask, which church do you go to now?
me: Capital Church, up  by the University.
interviewer: Oh,  thats right, I remember reading in your resume you work up there too. That’s awesome.
me: Yes, I love it up there.
interviewer: I just referred some friends of mine up there.  I love their pastor’s family.
interviewer:{flips through my resume} Actually, I know a few of your reffrences personally.
me: Seriously? Wow, small Christian community.
interviewer: If HR let me hire during interviews I would hire you right now, but, I will call you on Friday with a job offer. God bless!

Wow. God, how could your hands not be ALL OVER that one? ps. you rock!! I got the call + I got it! (yay for a job that requires both of my degrees!)

medically. This week was a big one medically, and it went really really well. For the first time in a looong time this babe has gaing x lbs + kept it on for 1 whole  month!!! … don’t judge me, its an accomplishment. Also, I had another EKG, and this time – it was spectacular! Peace out T-wave abnormality + potassium depletion evilness! My very proud doctors gave me my exercise back too! And, I don’t have to come back for 2 whole months, not this every 2 weeks dealio that I have lived with for the past 3 months. Which is crazy awesome, I mean, I have been there sooo often that my sweet MA knows more about my personal life than I think I do… each time she asks me about my wedding plans.

In honor of my accomplishments, I am going to eat this delishness! (:

(Judy – orange cream cookie from My Dough Girl – best cookies in the SL Valley. Hands Down!)