today is a new day.

So many things on my mind today, and right now, I sure don’t like it. Last night was a struggle for me, and its only the beginning. I need change. I don’t want to change. But I sure need it. Its hard. It always is, isn’t it? I guess I just really need to shapeuporshipout, to put it bluntly. Confrontation sucks. It seriously gives me an asthma attack just thinking about it. But body is revolted by the fact that someone (or many people) think what they do. And its all my fault. I put myself into this hole, and now that people notice, I just keep digging. suck.

I have been digging myself into this hole for the past 10 years of my life. I thought that I was strong enough to quit whenever I wanted. I went into remission for a few months at a time, but the moment a big stressor came up, I would lapse back into these habits. I am battling. I won’t give up, I can’t. I want to survive, I do. I feel fat. I can’t see past that when I look in the mirror. Or when I