Looking forward

Do you ever have those times where you think you are headed in the right path, the right direction and that everything is going right for you, its all coming towards you speedily?

Then, you turn to see that you are in the wrong lane?

I don’t know if you have, but sometimes I seem to run my life that way, I work by looking at the past to determine my future. I allow everyone else’s decisions about what I should (and have done with my life) to determine where I am going. I use history to press the “replay” button on my life as I continue to fall into the same trap, time and time again.

This past week I stumbled upon my old livejournal, as I read through it I found some attitudes that I was peeved at myself for having, yet once again, I continue still today to allow them to replay in my mind. I thought to my self, about what was important to me at that time of my life: continuing to be a honor student, dance team, friends, my overwhelming crush on a boy who’s name I can’t even remember today. But what hurt the most as I read through these posts, was that many of them where about the hurt that I had allowed to consume my life. Upon browsing through the pages, I decided to pull out something that I had allowed to accumulate a thin layer of dust; my old journal. I began skimming through the pages, seeing many times that I had begun to write specific details of a life list, filled with unrealistic themes and many far fetched dreams.

But, these old posts hit a chord, I sat, pondering “what do I really want in this life, I only have one chance to do all that I can, what will it be?” This thought took along time to let my mind defragment. But once again, I pulled out my trusty quill and began to write:


So, once again, the list of true hearts desires began to flow…